I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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