I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
