I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
