On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
