You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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