i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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