If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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