so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i out mim tonsoeep
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