I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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