Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
