its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
