if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
