I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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