There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
