Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
