She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
