Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
