I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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