You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
