If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
