I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
