I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize