I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
