all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
