I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
