If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
