Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
