My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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