So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
