I'm really into asian looking animals
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
