Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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