I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drake has all the answers
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
