Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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