It's Friday. Sex?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
