Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
