Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
