And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
