The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
