I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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