A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
