i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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