Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
