Your dad touched me again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize