I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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