i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
