we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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