I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
