operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
