She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
