he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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