Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
