one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
