similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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