Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it hurts more in the daytime
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
