I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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