Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize