i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Did I show you my penis last night?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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