My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
