dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
