I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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