That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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