The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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