You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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