Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize