This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
