FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
