hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
