So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
