Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
