dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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