what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
