Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You smell like stripper and shame
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize