M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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