I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize