meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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