Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My hand turned me down
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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