I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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