I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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